Thursday Thirteen #89

13 Creekistan Torture Techniques
Waterboarding is so old-school. We here in Creekistan have much more humane and simple methods of "getting information from people."

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1. Fit them with work boots that, once they are on and all laced up, you don't want the hastle of taking them off. Make sure they have a small, annoying stone inside.

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2. Fill their cells with the "no-see-ums"--the nearly invisible biting bugs that make you itch all over.

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3. Also in the cell, light it with florescence lights that blink and hum.

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4. Tie them down on a chair. Let the dog lick them.

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5. Have their cells near the dirt road where the ATVs like to drive up and down at all hours of the night.

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6. Fit them with contacts that have a small grain of sand embedded on them.

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7. Make sure their bathing water has a strange odor.

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8. Have a dog with big, sad eyes stare at them whenever they sit down to eat.

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9. Attach a wasp nest to the outside wall of their cell so that they hear the annoying buzzing all the time.

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10. Gladly provide them with the local newspaper--the only news is about NASCAR anyway.

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11. Play, on a loop, the "witty banter" from the local morning radio show.

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12. For Television, allow them to watch whatever they can pick up with an antennae--in other words, NOTHING. Or occasionally, PBS.

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13. For a work detail, make them pick up trash and cans thrown out of cars. Don't allow them to sleep until the road is completely clean--they may not sleep for days, and locals may throw out new items even while they are trying to clean.

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