Monday, May 26, 2008
My Wii Fit tells me that I'm obese and unbalanced. Well, it wasn't a surprise. Part of the reason I got a Wii Fit was to help me get more exercise. But the machine was a little harsh.
The Wii Fit is an ingenious game that uses a balance board as it's controller. The board can be used to control fun games and exercises. But before you start playing, you first need to get measured--your Body Mass Index (BMI). I entered in my hight, birthday, and stepped on the board. It measured my weight versus my hight and determined, with a loud and accusing voice that "You're obese."
I had heard about the 10 year old that got her feelings hurt when the machine told her she was fat. [Article here].
I was ready for the insult. The Reality Check. The truth that I knew deep down--that I was overweight and need to address this health issue. When the machine loudly announced in it's cute little computer voice "Your Obese" and, to bring insult to injury, it made my Mii fat, I was a little hurt.
But the game is a lot of fun, and I can see myself using this to exercise on a daily basis. Even if it tells me I'm unbalanced and my fat Mii hangs her head down and looks very sad. I know I'm obese and unbalanced. You don't have to keep reminding me!
I should take heart. According to the Wii Fit, I'm also a Yoga Expert when it comes to some of the yoga poses. Even though I'm not what you think of when you hear of someone doing yoga, I have done a lot and have good control of my balance.
So, right now, I'm an Obese, unbalanced Yoga Expert. I should be on Oprah. Thanks Wii Fit!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
13 Things That My Coma Clinic Can Do For You! (results may vary)
1. Our Coma Clinic can help you become more fit--We'll hook your muscles up to our state-of-the-art stimulator system that simulate extra-hard workouts. You'll wake from your coma with that fit muscular body you've always dreamed about.
2. Lose weight--You'll be in a coma so you won't have to worry about your food intake. In fact, you'll get exactly the right amount of calories through your feeding tube. No more. No less.
3. Help you train to run a marathon--Just like our muscle-stimulator program, this program will specifically get your body ready for that marathon you've always dreamed about running. You might even wake up with runner's high but not the foot pain usually associated with running.
4. Get the sleep you so desperately want. In fact, you'll get to sleep for weeks, awaking refreshed and ready to rebuild your life.
5. Help that anxious father-to-be survive the last couple months of his wife's pregnancy, and perhaps the birth of a baby. Enter a coma when the stress gets to be too much and awake a new Father! Or try our special Father-In-Law To Be wedding package. Awake a new Father-In-Law, once the wedding bills are paid.
6. Quit smoking the Coma way! Have your last smoke just minutes before you go to sleep. Awake, take a deep breath, and don't worry about the withdrawal symptoms. *Can also be used for other addictive substances.
7. Can't stand waiting those long months between TV seasons? Watch your favorite program's season finale, go into a coma over the summer, and awake in time to see the next season's premier. It'll be like you were never gone!
8. Want to look great for the summer? Why not try our ComaTan! Our special rotisserie will give you a nice, even tan while you sleep.
9. Need to learn a foreign language? We can subliminally teach you a language with our immersive language tapes and programs. (Warning: can't guarantee that you'll be able to speak or read the language, but you should be able to understand it when spoken to you.)
10. Need cosmetic surgery but don't like the pain and discomfort? Let us take care of everything while you're in a coma. Awake to a new you!
11. Hate winter and the snow and can't afford to travel a long distance just to get away from it all? Try a coma for the winter. You'll "thaw out" at the same time as much of the ice and snow.
12. Can't stand all those political ads? Go into a coma! Skip all those long months with boring debates and mudslinging commercials. Wake up just days before election, ready to vote.
13. Better yet, send in your absentee ballot early, go into a coma, and avoid the whole up-all-night-watching-the-news-as-more-results-come-in game. Awake two days after election day, when results are final, or by January 15th, whatever comes first.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Inspired by my husband's upcoming Doctoral Hooding (w00t!) I have created a CafePress T-Shirt called "Dad & Grad." I'm sure that there are Fathers out there that will be graduating this year. This is a perfect way to celebrate both those achievements.
If you are interested, my shirts are available at HolidayBizarre.
My other shirts are also available Here, and my Nebraska Cornhuskers shirts are available Here.
Monday, May 19, 2008
I finally got to see Iron Man this past weekend. It was very good, and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes either superhero movies or shoot-um-ups. It also had me and my husband wanting to know if most superheros prefer redheads? Perhaps I need to further lighten and redden my hair.
During the previews, I got to review some movies that are coming out this summer and later in the year, and I decided to look into all the movies coming out soon. Here is a list of movies I'm excited about:
- The Dark Knight (I love Batman. This looks like a very noir film, made even more dark by the death of Heath, the actor who played the Joker. Reminds me of Brandon Lee and the movie The Crow.)
- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
- The Happening
- The X-Files: I Want to Believe (Perhaps it's time to introduce my son to The X-Files. He loves UFOs and investigations.)
- Star Wars: The Clone Wars (The cartoons were great-I'm sure the CG version will be great too!)
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (November 2008)
- Star Trek (coming out in a year, May 2009) - Perhaps I'll get to see a longer trailer this summer!
Also note that I don't like chick-flicks. I think that the best movies in the genre were filmed in the 40's and 50's, and they are becoming boring and predictable now.
Do you have any recommendations? Let me know in the comments. It does look like and exciting movie season!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
13 Creekistan Torture Techniques
Waterboarding is so old-school. We here in Creekistan have much more humane and simple methods of "getting information from people."
1. Fit them with work boots that, once they are on and all laced up, you don't want the hastle of taking them off. Make sure they have a small, annoying stone inside.
2. Fill their cells with the "no-see-ums"--the nearly invisible biting bugs that make you itch all over.
3. Also in the cell, light it with florescence lights that blink and hum.
4. Tie them down on a chair. Let the dog lick them.
5. Have their cells near the dirt road where the ATVs like to drive up and down at all hours of the night.
6. Fit them with contacts that have a small grain of sand embedded on them.
7. Make sure their bathing water has a strange odor.
8. Have a dog with big, sad eyes stare at them whenever they sit down to eat.
9. Attach a wasp nest to the outside wall of their cell so that they hear the annoying buzzing all the time.
10. Gladly provide them with the local newspaper--the only news is about NASCAR anyway.
11. Play, on a loop, the "witty banter" from the local morning radio show.
12. For Television, allow them to watch whatever they can pick up with an antennae--in other words, NOTHING. Or occasionally, PBS.
13. For a work detail, make them pick up trash and cans thrown out of cars. Don't allow them to sleep until the road is completely clean--they may not sleep for days, and locals may throw out new items even while they are trying to clean.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
13 Gross Things In Creekistan
1. People who throw bags of dirty diapers out of their car window. I can't figure it out! Camping? Or is it a creature that finds the bag in the trash and drags it away.
2. Speaking of trash, we drug up over 40 used tires that were rolled down into the creek. The slime and mosquito larvae that collected in the tires was very gross.
3. The Bee House used to contain a large hive of honeybees and now houses only honeybee carcasses. Years of dead bees were collected between panes of a window and are stacked about a foot high.
4. The black-headed vultures around here are known to attack newborn calfs, killing them by pecking their eyes out and attacking their anus.
5. Vultures also projectile vomit. Can you imagine the smell of vomited rotted roadkill?
6. Can't wait until the infestation of thousands of millipedes on my front porch, eventually sneaking under my door and into the house. You can't take a step without the gross crunching sound.
7. Last Spring, my dog ate a fawn.
8. During the Fall deer hunting season, hunters will field dress a killed deer by emptying out it's guts, cutting off it's head and legs, and skinning it. Those are the items that my dog brings home. Good morning! Deer guts, anyone?
9. Some people throw out pop bottles filled with used chewing tobacco.
10. I've noticed that bees, yellowjackets, wasps, etc. like dead animals too.
11. My cat loves to kill mice. But she only eats the good parts and leaves the head, tail, and guts on the floor for us to find. Or worse: step on.
12. We have some very large wolf spiders that live in the attic. They are the size of a hand. If I find one, I try to vacuum it up, but I had one that held on so tight, I couldn't. I just left the house for a while.
13. We see spiders all the time. What worries me, are the ones we don't see.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
13 Things I, Bandit the Dog, Like About Creekistan
1. My big cushion on the front porch. Yeah, it used to be an archery target, but I like to lay on it.
2. People bring me bones. I especially like hog bones.
3. Chasing cars. I love to chase the UPS guy.
4. Tricking my masters by barking at nothing and making them come outside to investigate.
5. Playing with the children. They can't catch me.
6. Getting deer parts from the forest. I love to bring deer legs home to sit on my cushion and nibble on them.
7. Barking at cars that park up the street. Why do they stop there?
8. Coming into the house to clean up food spills. Thanks, kids!
9. Drinking out of puddles.
10. Trying to chase and catch rabbits. I got one, once. Yummy!
11. Protecting my family from those guys that come and take our garbage every Thursday.
12. Did I mention that I like to bark at anything?
13. Getting let into the house on cold winter nights and sleeping on a pile of dirty laundry.