Monday, July 20, 2009

Amy the Black’s Momfinitions

I couldn’t resist want to let everyone know about my Funniest Five Momfinitions, as inspired by the post at Parents Connect. These definitions are not in any (respectable) dictionary, but are words that, when used in context, are recognizable to any parent.

Wigglebotomy – In the old days of frontier psychology, some doctors would cut into the skulls of mental patients, removing a part of the brain, with the hope of making the patient more docile. Now, mentally disturbed parents of toddlers can obtain the same level of brain dysfunction with the simple task of watching The Wiggles.
“Would you please turn off The Wiggles DVD and wipe the slobber off of
Mom’s chin? It looks like she got a Wigglebotomy this afternoon.”

P.R.F.I. – An acronym for Poop Related Fart Incident. This phrase was inspired by George Carlin’s PRBI (Puke-Related Burp Incident), but takes on a different (and messier) meaning. This is what happens when you, or a child, misinterpret the body’s signal to go number 2 as just a release of gas, and instead, a surprise happens.
“Sweetie, can you get your son a fresh pair of underwear? He just had a

Happy-Happy-Fun-Place – This is what used to be referred to as Baby Jail until we decided to give it a more politically-correct name. This phrase refers to an enclosed place set aside in the home or yard where a young child can safely and securely play, sleep, or scream.

“Please put my little darling in the Happy-Happy-Fun-Place before she sticks a
fork in the socket.”

Poop Taco – This term is what we lovingly call a dirty butt wipe after it has been used and folded to resemble a Mexican food item. Unlike the food item, this is not something you want to go through a drive-thru to obtain.

“Oh look, that diaper mess created at least 3 Poop Tacos before it was completely

Magic Saave – This term is a catch-all for all the different diaper ointments, oils, and gels used on the behinds of children (and sometimes even adults). It’s a much more pleasant way of referring to those types of treatments and seems to have a positive subliminal effect when used on the child.

“Don’t worry sweetie. I’ll put Magic Saave on your red bottom and I’ll feel
better in no time.”