Thursday Thirteen #66

13 of my Favorite Modern Deities/Religions

1. J. R. "Bob" Dobbs - Church of the Subgenious. The Church of the SubGenius is known for a standing offer that stems from the ordainment fee of $30: "Eternal Salvation or TRIPLE Your Money Back!" The organization claims that if an ordained SubGenius minister dies and finds himself standing at the gates of "Normal" or "Boring" Hell, he will be personally greeted by Church founder J. R. "Bob" Dobbs Himself and receive a refund check for $90.00, along with a booklet titled, "How to Enjoy Hell for Five Cents an Eternity," which costs $89.95.

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2. Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) - The religion was founded in 2005 by Oregon State University physics graduate Bobby Henderson to protest against the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution.

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3. Invisible Pink Unicorn - Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of great spiritual power. We know this because they are capable of being invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can't see them.

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4. Jedi - 0.7% of citizens in the UK listed it as their religion. Yoda would be proud!

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5. Russell's teapot - Bertrand Russell (1872–1970) stated that, for the sake of argument, between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit. Then, if, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.

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6. Discordianism - is a modern, chaos-centered religion. Discordianism recognizes chaos, discord, and dissent as valid and desirable qualities.

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7. Frisbeetarianism says that when you die, your soul goes up on a roof and you can't get it down. A lesser known aspect is the holy event known as "The Ascension", wherein someone comes along with a ladder and collects all the souls.

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8. The Western Branch of American Reform Presbylutheranism, is the Christian denomination attended by most residents of Springfield on "The Simpsons." Presbylutherans split from the Catholic Church during the "Schism of Lourdes" to defend their "god-given right to come to church with wet hair," a right the Presbylutheran church later abolished.

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9. The Great Pumpkin - The Great Pumpkin appears to exist only in the imagination of Linus, friend of Snoopy and Charlie Brown. Every Halloween, Linus awaits the appearance of The Great Pumpkin, which never appears. Poor Linus, he believes so strongly that we want the Great Pumpkin to appear!

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10. Scientology was created by author L. Ron Hubbard in 1952 as an outgrowth of his self-help system, Dianetics. I'm too afraid to go further because I don't want any Scientologist Suits to come to Creekistan and do a "Stress Test" on me. Unless that Scientologist is Tom Cruise.

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11. Zeus - He's making a comeback! [Read this! ]

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12. Elvis - Church of Jesus Christ Elvis. "For unto you is born this day in the city of Memphis a Presley, which is Elvis the King."

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13. Festivus - What is religion without holidays? How about a holiday without a religion? Festivus was popularized in a 1997 "Seinfeld" episode. It's called "Festivus for the rest of us," and is the holiday celebrated by the Costanza clan on December 23rd. Mr. Costanza, played by Jerry Stiller, erects a plain aluminium pole and practices the airing of grievances.