Thursday Thirteen #65

13 Things My Mother Says About Creekistan

My mother is visiting Creekistan this week. She's not from around here. Here are some of her impressions dictated to me:

1. Up in "No Mans Land."

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2. Where are all the birds? I expected to hear hear birds chirping when I woke up in the morning but it's too quiet.

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3. The dog is a pain in the butt. Because he doesn't see any people, he bombards people. If you sit outside, he's trying to lick you.

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4. We sat out one night and did hear some sounds and enjoyed the full moon.

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5. Creekistan needs rain.

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6. Every time I go to Creekistan my hair goes crazy!

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7. One day, we took the bumpy "back roads" home that really had me saying 'there are no signs!' and when you do get to a stop sign, you better stop because you'll go over a cliff! I felt we really were in the backwoods. It was very interesting! But when we got attacked by three dogs and punctured a tire at the same time, it made for a very interesting trip. We were lucky to make it home in one piece.

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8. The people are different then the people where I come from.

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9. The scenery is beautiful. I bet the people that live here all the time probably don't appreciate it. I like all the trees.

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10. It's interesting to see all the different types of homes. Some that are pretty nice, to some that are pretty bad. The bads ones look like they are hardly livable, they don't look livable from the outside.

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11. The older people like to sit out on their porches or decks and watch the cars go by. They usually wave.

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12. Creekistan is on a street very few cars go by, especially at night. I wonder if anyone comes by during the night.

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13. I miss watching TV. I wonder what's happening on the outside world. I have to get the news off of the radio or the Internet.

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Thursday Thirteen #64

1. We live near a "Power Cut," a path in the forest that is kept clear for the power and phone lines to go through. It sometimes helps to walk in the power cut, especially when you're on a hill--you can get a better view of everything. In other words, you can see the forest despite the trees.

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2. Some people in this area live all year long in a campground along a river. Some have campers with porches, some actually have small mobile homes. Makes it easy when there is a flood. Sometimes I'm jealous of their simple life and ability to just pick up and leave.

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3. A neighbor took our unneeded trailer. I guess it was there as a camping trailer for hunting, but we never used it. The neighbor moved it down the street and put it on his property, where it sits next to abandoned cars and other junk. We call this yard the "debris field."
   

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4. A snake fell into our cistern when we went to check the level. It makes me feel strange when I take a shower in the "snake water." Don't worry--I checked the other day, and I think (hope) the snake got out.
   

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5. A friend was interested in a house on sale near us. We promised to check it out for them. If you thought our house was in the middle of nowhere, this house was even more secluded. If I lived there and had to give directions to find the place, the final two directions would be "just past the meth lab, take the first (and only) muddy driveway on the left. If you don't have a 4 x 4, just park and hike up the 1/4 mile to the house." I feel sorry for the realtor.

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6. It's tobacco harvesting time. Many of the people around here live almost exclusively on what they get for their harvest during this time.
   

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7. The houses down the hill are finally getting municipal water. They have no plans to bring the water service up to my property, though. We were joking about how this may help our property value.
   

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8. We live in a "dry" county--no beer or alcohol sales in our area. However, since we live near the edge of the county, our street is the "beer run". There are two stores that sell beer about 5-6 miles away. If it wasn't the beer run, I don't think we'd see much traffic at all.
   

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9. One of the places that sells beer nearby is a "drive thru" store. I went there once and had to wait for the chickens to get out of my way before I could pull up to the window.

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10. When I lived in the city, I had a rule about not buying food from a store that was also a bait shop. I can't have that rule any more or I would starve.
    

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11. I suspect that our mail carrier is reading one of our magazines. It's a weekly magazine, but we receive it several days late or not at all. We used to joke that they are also watching our Netflix movies.
    

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12. Some long-distance bikers use our road for training. I have to keep a close eye on the dog on the weekends, or he'll chase the bikers. Actually, I think it helps them get up the hill to have a dog barking at their heels.
    

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13. Spiders are a big problem around the house. They can spin a web very quickly and catch you it it. The other day, a large spider made a beautiful web across my closet entrance. I saw it just in time.
    

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Thursday Thirteen #63

Thirteen of my Final Requests

Not that I plan to die anytime soon, I just thought it would be fun to start planning now.

1. I don't want to have my dead body paraded around, so be sure to cremate me.

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2. No big ceremony is necessity for the cremation, but I want my closest loved ones to draw straws to decide who should light the match.

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3. I don't care what you do with my ashes. But I have always joked that at a party in my honor, someone should sprinkle a little in the punch without anyone else knowing. Then, have a toast (with the tainted punch) and say "May there always be a little bit of her in us."

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4. Instead of a funeral, a large party should be organized, with invitations going out to my friends and family. Allow plenty of time between my death and the party for proper preparation.

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5. Children should be welcome at the party. In fact, they should come in costume and given sugar skulls from the Mexican Day of the Dead holiday.

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6. I would like some live music to be performed, probably something composed or arranged by my husband. At this time, I'd like his steal band version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and his piece "Three Found Dreaming," which includes the section called "Death." I'd also like to have Charles Ives' piece "The Unanswered Question" performed.

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7. But for the rest of the music, I'd like someone (preferably under the age of 27) to play songs off of my iPod (or whatever music playing device I have at the time). The playlist should be heavy on music from the 1980's, Radiohead, and the current alternative rock songs at the time. No country music allowed.

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8. There should be door prizes. You must be present (and alive) to win.

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9. Poetry can be read, sparingly, and should include at least one poem from Billy Collins and one from Charles Bukowski. I'd prefer if the poems would make the younger people giggle and the older people cringe.

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10. Everyone should wear a "Hello My Name Is . . . " sticker. I was so terrible with names.

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11. Instead of flowers, I'd prefer balloons. Everyone should be able to take one home if they like.

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12. Towards the end of the party, everyone should be given a kazoo for a group performance of Taps.

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13. Since I was such a fan of bonfires, the party should end with one. Everyone should be invited to throw paper effigies of luxury items into the fire, similar to those burned during the Chinese Ching Ming festival. Be sure to burn a paper laptop so that I can continue blogging and submitting my Thursday Thirteen, even in the afterlife!

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